might as well jump

yes, there was a jumping contest and here's the 3 second video to prove it:

i'll say it again -- white, old people can't jump. even those from tiny island nations with fabulous rugby teams.

i have to admit, i'm scared sometimes living by myself. not that some crazed mad man would single me out to follow home or anything. but i live on a creek where the wild things apparently congregate and have pentecostal services nightly. there are a pack of something outside RIGHT NOW making very consistently loud, painful, 'i'm being strangled' noises. perhaps its just a herd of melodic frogs, but they don't sing like they're croaking with glee.

no matter what, i'm always going to let people down. i think i'm having a hard time getting beyond that truth at the moment. for the 2 1/2 people reading this right now -- just know, i'm sorry. i know eleanor roosevelt said "do something every day that scares you" -- i say, f her.

back to critters - couldn't sleep last night cause i found out one of my bitches had fleas; i immediately became paranoid of an infestation in my sheets. at midnight, i bathed the dogs and powdered the carpet (which pretty much guaranteed a peaceful slumber would not arrive for hours). several law and order's later, after restless tossing of pillows, i continued to hear a repetitive 'errch, errch, errch, errch' tone. initially i thought it was the ceiling fan (none of those things are quiet like they advertise). but then it started to sound like someone crunching a bag of cool ranch doritoes. i assumed one of the dirtly little men in fur coats (let's just call them "cats") was having a 3:00am al fresco snack, but when i hobbled out of bed to explore, i found all pets accounted for in the living area. i blasted the light from the back porch and spotlighted a ginormous possum munching down on the cat chow. lesson learned - don't feed the furry beings that are not your own by placing an all you can eat buffet on the back porch.

random:

i am a compulsive sheet changer regardless of the fact that they're may be fleas. do fleas serve a purpose? if there is a god, why would he/she put them here? same for mosquitos. if you're not giving back in some way, please find another place to dwell.

once "the knees" come, there's no going back (figure that one out).

i should not write my innermost thoughts after consuming 1 1/2 ambien.