. . . i think this is an old movie about hookers in a morgue, or something like that. but this week's 'night shift' is not nearly that salacious. however, now i'm thinking that would be a good challenge for some reality show - spend the night and diddle your partner in a morgue. new on 'the bachelor' - these 5 bachelorettes just THINK they're going to fiji for their fantasy date! when in fact they'll be at the crematorium smoking grandma.
i started working a graveyard shift last night for the first time ever. i tried not to sleep at all sunday night, which was not a problem as i didn't consume any of mommy's little helpers. i DID try to sleep monday afternoon, but you've seen the posting about my roommates and, well, you know. yesterday at least one was in rare form - racing down the hall pretending to be tom cruise in 'risky business'; ipod cranked and shouting karaoke at the top of her lungs; multiple door, dish and pot slamming; and one long slew of foul language when what i think was discovery of a flat tire. ah, youth. its so hard to live somewhere (that is not your mom's house) absolutely free.
i'm so tired today, i just squirted liquid soap on my toothbrush and put it in my mouth before i realized it. i've washed out my mouth with soap for no apparent reason.
ok; gotta go take the 12 biore pore strips off my face - its a new facial i've discovered. why spend $110 dollars at nordstrom when you can buy a $12 box of pore strips?
xoxoxo
tricia the tired
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
don't fear the netty pot
why is it called this? cute name; cute little tea-pot-type thingie. evil, squatty bastard. i think 'netty' means 'slime shower' in latin. but i'm no longer a netty-pot virgin. i did it and it sucked.
still snotty,
tricia
Monday, February 20, 2012
its that time of year again . . .
. . . when girl scout cookie fat bombs are for sale and the s.i. swimsuit edition comes out. i think the girl scouts work concurrently with s.i. each february to make normal women feel HUGE then consume more samoas in shame. i'm not sure this year's cover model is wearing what would be considered an actual swimsuit; it looks like 3 stretchy, bright band-aids tied together with some reach waxed gentle gum care.
in an effort to obtain an ass that will fit into microscopic wisps of fabric, i have a couple of new diet tips i'd like to share (but not necessarily follow):
1) its not 'smart food' if you eat the entire bag of cheesy popcorn goodness.
2) its swell to buy 100 calorie packs or low fat, sugar-free this and that, but they're probably not going to work if you consume an entire bucket of colonel sander's deceased, deep-fried cluckers instead.
3) yoghurt is fine for breakfast if you don't follow it up with half a dozen krispy kreme donuts.
4) a bag of those delicious vegetable chips from whole foods don't actually count as 12 servings of veggies.
i've been sick for a week and am considerably annoyed. my voice croaks like an 84 year old smoker with a bad case of hairballs. i've barely been conscious, off the couch, out of my sweats or out of the house for days. uncontrollable coughing is a great way to get 6 pack abs though, and a half a bottle of nyquil will get you quite high.
be well everyone,
wonky snotty face (my moniker this week)
in an effort to obtain an ass that will fit into microscopic wisps of fabric, i have a couple of new diet tips i'd like to share (but not necessarily follow):
1) its not 'smart food' if you eat the entire bag of cheesy popcorn goodness.
2) its swell to buy 100 calorie packs or low fat, sugar-free this and that, but they're probably not going to work if you consume an entire bucket of colonel sander's deceased, deep-fried cluckers instead.
3) yoghurt is fine for breakfast if you don't follow it up with half a dozen krispy kreme donuts.
4) a bag of those delicious vegetable chips from whole foods don't actually count as 12 servings of veggies.
i've been sick for a week and am considerably annoyed. my voice croaks like an 84 year old smoker with a bad case of hairballs. i've barely been conscious, off the couch, out of my sweats or out of the house for days. uncontrollable coughing is a great way to get 6 pack abs though, and a half a bottle of nyquil will get you quite high.
be well everyone,
wonky snotty face (my moniker this week)
Monday, February 13, 2012
compliments that aren't and oscar spoilers
compliment or not?
1) oh my gosh - you look so pretty today!
2) have you lost weight?
3) you look just like that movie star - you know the crazy partier with the alcohol problem?
4) have you had zoom whitening?
i 've seen a lot of this year's oscar-nominated movies so i've decided to provide you guys with a one-phrase description to save everyone the trouble of paying the $12 admission fee while also helping you avoid the 5 pound weight gain as a result of scarfing a tub of buttered popcorn and a 3 pound box of dots. don't read any further if you don't want to know the ending of some of this years oscars.
1) the descendants - woman dies; family gets closer.
2) moneyball - baseball team sucks then doesn't.
3) the tree of life - what?
4) the help - oppressed black women stand up for themselves; one makes a pie with poop.
5) midnight in paris - engaged couple visits paris then breaks up.
6) the artist - silent movie becomes unsilent.
7) beginners - man dies; son finds a girlfriend.
8) the girl with the dragon tattoo - unsociable girl gets revenge and solves a murder.
9) bridesmaids - hysterical bridal party eats bad food; poops in sink and live happily ever after .
ok; that's all i've got on the hollywood scene.
i think i'm ocd -- i can't go to bed until i've straightened all the chairs, remote controls, candles, coasters, pillows AND swept the floor, wiped down all the counters and scrubbed some random section of any wall in the house. this usually happens around midnight. clean freak or ocd?
gotta go.
tricia
1) oh my gosh - you look so pretty today!
2) have you lost weight?
3) you look just like that movie star - you know the crazy partier with the alcohol problem?
4) have you had zoom whitening?
i 've seen a lot of this year's oscar-nominated movies so i've decided to provide you guys with a one-phrase description to save everyone the trouble of paying the $12 admission fee while also helping you avoid the 5 pound weight gain as a result of scarfing a tub of buttered popcorn and a 3 pound box of dots. don't read any further if you don't want to know the ending of some of this years oscars.
1) the descendants - woman dies; family gets closer.
2) moneyball - baseball team sucks then doesn't.
3) the tree of life - what?
4) the help - oppressed black women stand up for themselves; one makes a pie with poop.
5) midnight in paris - engaged couple visits paris then breaks up.
6) the artist - silent movie becomes unsilent.
7) beginners - man dies; son finds a girlfriend.
8) the girl with the dragon tattoo - unsociable girl gets revenge and solves a murder.
9) bridesmaids - hysterical bridal party eats bad food; poops in sink and live happily ever after .
ok; that's all i've got on the hollywood scene.
i think i'm ocd -- i can't go to bed until i've straightened all the chairs, remote controls, candles, coasters, pillows AND swept the floor, wiped down all the counters and scrubbed some random section of any wall in the house. this usually happens around midnight. clean freak or ocd?
gotta go.
tricia
Friday, February 10, 2012
notarize this
so i decided to become a notary; no reason why. i've just always wanted a stamp with my name on it and to be all official and stuff. i thought there'd be a test or something, but all you have to do (unless i've been scammed) is send $79.99 to the american association of notaries and they'll send you all the acoutrement.
today i learned an important lesson - do not mop your wood floors with pledge furniture polish unless you want to bust your @ss every time you roam the house. makes for some fairly funny canine entertainment though.
what is skip tracing? sounds like a playground game to me. maybe i can get a stamp for this too and become official at something else.
happy, funemployed friday
tricia
today i learned an important lesson - do not mop your wood floors with pledge furniture polish unless you want to bust your @ss every time you roam the house. makes for some fairly funny canine entertainment though.
what is skip tracing? sounds like a playground game to me. maybe i can get a stamp for this too and become official at something else.
happy, funemployed friday
tricia
Thursday, February 9, 2012
snort
i snored myself awake last night. guess that means i'm obviously sleeping more than i thought i was. all i could think was that i hoped i didn't wake anyone up. you know the noise you make -- uuuaaarrchsnoorchhh!! if you heard that somewhere north of i635, that was me (was that in plano?).
man, i love having room mates. i haven't had a room mate that i wasn't sleeping with since i was 16. and here's a list of what i specifically find endearing (i want to spread the love since its almost valentine's day and all):
1) i love how you slam the door when you leave each morning to make sure the rest of us are up - thanks for looking after our 'get up and get going' new year's resolutions.
2) i love how you don't cover your food in the microwave, so when it explodes, i get to taste a little bit of whatever it was in my cup of tea the next day.
3) i love how you leave dirty dishes in the sink, on the coffee table, on the floor, in the bathroom, on the stove - it lets me know how much you find valuable my ability to clean the dishes properly.
4) i love how you leave every light, the tv and the oven on frequently all night long. there's no better way to heat the house than leaving some sort of kitchen heating element on for hours on end.
5) i love how you leave your wet clothes in the washer for 3 days in a row, preventing anyone else from doing their laundry - that tells me that you think i smell nice in my thrice-worn jeans/sweatpants/leggings.
alright, gotta run. i'm actually in the mood to work out and i need to strike before couch potato tricia comes back.
xo
t.
man, i love having room mates. i haven't had a room mate that i wasn't sleeping with since i was 16. and here's a list of what i specifically find endearing (i want to spread the love since its almost valentine's day and all):
1) i love how you slam the door when you leave each morning to make sure the rest of us are up - thanks for looking after our 'get up and get going' new year's resolutions.
2) i love how you don't cover your food in the microwave, so when it explodes, i get to taste a little bit of whatever it was in my cup of tea the next day.
3) i love how you leave dirty dishes in the sink, on the coffee table, on the floor, in the bathroom, on the stove - it lets me know how much you find valuable my ability to clean the dishes properly.
4) i love how you leave every light, the tv and the oven on frequently all night long. there's no better way to heat the house than leaving some sort of kitchen heating element on for hours on end.
5) i love how you leave your wet clothes in the washer for 3 days in a row, preventing anyone else from doing their laundry - that tells me that you think i smell nice in my thrice-worn jeans/sweatpants/leggings.
alright, gotta run. i'm actually in the mood to work out and i need to strike before couch potato tricia comes back.
xo
t.
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