shake it baby

what in the hell happened to bruce jenner's lips? he's either wearing lip liner from the 80's, or he and lisa rinna have become pucker pals. yep; its sunday night and i'm home watching 'the kardashians'.

speaking of the '80's, did rompers make a comeback? i've seen half a dozen women in rompers in the last 24 hours and most of them (the women) were over the age of 8. this was not a good look in gym class in 1974 and it still looks ridiculous. however, the one chick i saw yesterday in the skin-tight black number with visible taint had quite the fan base.

yesterday morning while walking the dogs at the middle school in my neighborhood, i was flashed. i feel pretty special; i am the chosen one. this guy was quite the go-getter in that it was just past 8am on a saturday. i'm impressed that anyone can haul themselves out of bed at the crack (ha!) of dawn on a weekend and make a firm (ha again!) plan to get naked and flash people from the schoolyard. as i was innocently yanking (3rd ha!) on the dog's leashes, i hear a "hey!" -- i quickly turned around (figuring someone was going to chastise me for an unforgivable deed by the idiots), and caught sight of this guy thrusting his man parts in my direction in a jerky, little dance move. i. was. speechless. post penis-invasion, i thought of all the clever things i could have said, but didn't. highlight of my weekend.

tricia, esq.

i don't have a clever title . . .

in many ways. i think i'll just start putting "esq." after my name and see if anyone notices.

things that don't go together:

1. peanut butter filled pretzels and an alaskan ipa (personal experience from after school snack today)
2. assless chaps and roseanne barr
3. fresh smelling anything and lindy (the farting dog)
4. prunes and wine

today i received a card in the mail that said: 'we miss you!' it was personally addressed to me - how sweet; i really miss dsw shoe warehouse too.

last week i had dinner at the 'meddlesome moth' with a few of my fellow chhs graduates (something goooood is happening in cedar hill!!!!!). don't we look fabulous:

and if you haven't been, get thyself to the moth pronto.

i must confess - i downloaded a sample of fifty shades of grey the other day hoping to ignite some self love. was that written by an 8th grader? i think i got about 3 pages into it and bailed. really tantalazing if you're a college girl. us old ladies need quicker stimulus.

i've decided to go all hollywood and do a 'juice cleanse'; i'm  not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds tidy and i'm a bit of a neat freak.

gotta go shower; daisy rubbed her entire being on my hand (that sounded nasty) and now i stink.

xoxo,

tricia the temp, esq.

cher

i totally have a cher song stuck in my head -- 'if i could turn back tiiiime'.

why aren't there nursing homes for dogs? not that i'd put daisy in one (well, maybe not).

i would kill for a dilly bar right now. do they still have those? why are they called dilly bars?

might as well jump

yes, there was a jumping contest and here's the 3 second video to prove it:

i'll say it again -- white, old people can't jump. even those from tiny island nations with fabulous rugby teams.

i have to admit, i'm scared sometimes living by myself. not that some crazed mad man would single me out to follow home or anything. but i live on a creek where the wild things apparently congregate and have pentecostal services nightly. there are a pack of something outside RIGHT NOW making very consistently loud, painful, 'i'm being strangled' noises. perhaps its just a herd of melodic frogs, but they don't sing like they're croaking with glee.

no matter what, i'm always going to let people down. i think i'm having a hard time getting beyond that truth at the moment. for the 2 1/2 people reading this right now -- just know, i'm sorry. i know eleanor roosevelt said "do something every day that scares you" -- i say, f her.

back to critters - couldn't sleep last night cause i found out one of my bitches had fleas; i immediately became paranoid of an infestation in my sheets. at midnight, i bathed the dogs and powdered the carpet (which pretty much guaranteed a peaceful slumber would not arrive for hours). several law and order's later, after restless tossing of pillows, i continued to hear a repetitive 'errch, errch, errch, errch' tone. initially i thought it was the ceiling fan (none of those things are quiet like they advertise). but then it started to sound like someone crunching a bag of cool ranch doritoes. i assumed one of the dirtly little men in fur coats (let's just call them "cats") was having a 3:00am al fresco snack, but when i hobbled out of bed to explore, i found all pets accounted for in the living area. i blasted the light from the back porch and spotlighted a ginormous possum munching down on the cat chow. lesson learned - don't feed the furry beings that are not your own by placing an all you can eat buffet on the back porch.

random:

i am a compulsive sheet changer regardless of the fact that they're may be fleas. do fleas serve a purpose? if there is a god, why would he/she put them here? same for mosquitos. if you're not giving back in some way, please find another place to dwell.

once "the knees" come, there's no going back (figure that one out).

i should not write my innermost thoughts after consuming 1 1/2 ambien.