its that time of year again . . .

. . . when girl scout cookie fat bombs are for sale and the s.i. swimsuit edition comes out. i think the girl scouts work concurrently with s.i. each february to make normal women feel HUGE then consume more samoas in shame. i'm not sure this year's cover model is wearing what would be considered an actual swimsuit; it looks like 3 stretchy, bright band-aids tied together with some reach waxed gentle gum care.

in an effort to obtain an ass that will fit into microscopic wisps of fabric, i have a couple of new diet tips i'd like to share (but not necessarily follow):

1) its not 'smart food' if you eat the entire bag of cheesy popcorn goodness.
2) its swell to buy 100 calorie packs or low fat, sugar-free this and that, but they're probably not going to work if you consume an entire bucket of colonel sander's deceased, deep-fried cluckers instead.
3) yoghurt is fine for breakfast if you don't follow it up with half a dozen krispy kreme donuts.
4) a bag of those delicious vegetable chips from whole foods don't actually count as 12 servings of veggies.

i've been sick for a week and am considerably annoyed. my voice croaks like an 84 year old smoker with a bad case of hairballs. i've barely been conscious, off the couch, out of my sweats or out of the house for days. uncontrollable coughing is a great way to get 6 pack abs though, and a half a bottle of nyquil will get you quite high.

be well everyone,

wonky snotty face (my moniker this week)